Somber!

Man how fast things can change! A week ago I couldn't wait for Christmas!! I was thinking about putting up Christmas early this year. Last year we didn't put up decorations because I wasn't in the mood! Me not in the mood ya it was a hard holiday. This one isn't starting off much better! My heart aches for my brother and sister-in-law!!!!! My lovely sis was expecting twins!!! Finally after years of waiting, twins!!! Thursday my sis went into labor, 23 weeks along. Amazingly the babies survived. What strong nephews we have!! Everything was going as good as imagined. The babies organs were functioning and only required oxygen. James Clint, 1Lb 6oz, and Jayden Chad 1Lb 8oz. The survival rate is 25% for the first 7 days then jumps to 95% if they make it passed that. Sadly yesterday both had complications and ended up passing away! Perfect little boys, so small and adorable! We all were hoping for the best! I hoped that they wouldn't have to feel the pain of loosing a child let alone two! It is such a heart breaking, emptiness. Our bodies are amazing though, you go into auto pilot. This numb stage that I like to call survival mode! You basically are functioning and are in this haze not drug induced, but it might be similar. Time does help. Everyone says this, yes it doesn't replace the loss but it does make it more numb over time. Staying close to your spouse is so important! Jared and I grew so much closer together! Then there is the mother of all support systems. No I am not talking about family and friends but they do help. I am talking about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints!!! This gospel is unique! We know as members that we can be families forever! Of course there are so many wonderful things about the gospel! Anyone can learn more by going to http://lds.org/. When you do loose a loved one knowing that you can be a forever family and see them again is such a huge comfort! There is a continuation after this life! I know that our son Macsen and brother Clint welcomed James, and Jayden home with open arms! They will be know as the 4 amigos from this point forward. Maybe just by me but I know they are all best buds enjoying each other and helping us through the remainder of our journey! The Jayden and James have completed an important step! Coming to earth and receiving a body is an important process. Having passed before they were 8 years (the year of accountability) means that they are perfect and obviously without sin! So Keith and Natalie you can now join our special club. We should call it the perfect parents club. Jared always says we are perfect parents because we are 100% successful in the fact that our child is without sin. In Doctrine and Covenants we found a scripture that is simple and to the point. Section 137 verse 10 "And I also beheld that all children who die before they arrive at the years of accountability are saved in the celestial kingdom of heaven." This scripture is such a reassurance to what we believe. It is easy to think why, or what if but knowing that our son is perfect and in a wonderful place not only brings comfort but also makes us strive to be better. We want to be united one day and we have to keep on track and do our part to get there! Sure we don't know what was the reasoning behind Macsen, James, Jayden's, or Clint's death but our father in heaven has a wonderful plan for all of us. And one day we will have the answers we were wondering about. Until then we need to keep pressing forward, feel the comfort and peace of the spirit, and watch the blessing unfold! Good comes from everything even if we don't notice it at first! Heavenly Father loves us and gives us trials for a reason, and it isn't to torture us and make us miserable. My trials have honestly made me a stronger person mentally and spiritually and can say if I could change the past I wouldn't!